I wrote this a year ago, secret pages I kept to myself folded and forgotten. It struck a chord with me. It's not the same nostalgia, it's different things I wax poetic about now. Other experiences and songs and adventures that swirl in my mind like a dizzying summer carousel. Sometimes I feel disconnected from all of it, then the waves hit me. I remember. The shells are all over me.
A Year Ago:
This morning I was driving and a bridge was closed so I had to take an alternate route. I got a little lost but I had plenty of time and the music was on and I didn't mind. In that time, I stopped by the water and thought about last year. I thought how I was with someone in a bagel shop and how we'd always people watch. Sometimes nostalgia hits me like a panic attack and it's hard to breathe, to realize all that time has gone, that person is gone, the person who I was is gone. I remember everything: somethings break my heart, others make my heart heavy. Night time car rides listening to music and talking about geography and life, Walking around Yale during the summer taking pictures, Going swimming at night, or our excursions where we'd explore new places and take pictures and think of ideas to make us rich. I remember all those things but they are all images, thoughts, parts of my past that shaped my future. My life is calm, I've grown up. The waves have mellowed with time. But every now and then I remember the beauty and power of being inside that storm. All the colors, all the things that your heart feels but human language has no words for.