I have to say this year has been kind and gentle to me, but these past 3 weeks have proven quite daunting. But that's a part of life. There are good days, and bad days, same thing with months and years. The best you can do is keep going, even when it seems that it's not even getting better. For me I noticed I wasn't even myself when I skipped a party of close friends to instead be hidden under shades at the beach. I barely talked at the beach and found myself lying down into the blanket, holding back tears on a beautiful day.Depression lies, it tells you that your family and friends are better off without you and your sadness. Anxiety lies, it tells you everything is an emergency and steals your confidence. The people who I regard as amazing humans, who make me laugh and smile, and are genuine people I missed their party because I was so depressed. I didn't want to show them how much of a mess I was while seeing how together they all are. That to me woke me up to how much my depression was changing me. I couldn't believe I did that, it wasn't all that long ago I had a close friend text me she was on her way to my birthday party, but never come. I waited for her all night. It crushed me. These days I've been quieter and quieter and trying to work on myself. I haven't stopped caring about my friends but I just need to work on my happiness. It's a work in progress. I'm glad I can see the things I did wrong and try to correct them and become the best I can be. This isn't for sympathy, this is just an update on my life and if it can relate to anyone or maybe explain how someone in your life is being, great. We all have good and bad days. I'm trying not to let depression steal anymore of my sunshine.