Tuesday, June 17, 2014

toxic love.

How is it that someone so achingly on cue with all the tones of your heart - the deep dark blues that run deep and wild or the soft, sensitive magentas - can crumble it like a paper snowflake? . How does one who can be so lined up to the places in your head and heart be the one that completely undo you? All the things that make you feel like they aren't just another person you love -soulmate doesn't even come close - really an extension of your self- your very best self. But how is that person attached to all those magically wonderful, brillant things also someone who can be so deliriously evil and deluded, Someone you can't even recognize or understand, you see their foundation shaking and trembling. How is someone you are so madly in love also at the same time someone you could never be with, someone you could never truly love, because they hurt in you every single way and they know each door, every side door, every window to your heart and have and will smash it. They know what awakens your spirit, your heart, but also what makes you want to take a gun to your head in a car by the beach. You wouldn't, of course, but oh how, they make you come so close to thinking so irrationally.

 You can love someone so charming so perfect with their words
yet so articulate they can terrorize you. If only they didn't feed off discord, if only they didn't have such severity in their moods. If they were just one, so zen, so full of harmony. 
But would they still be the someone you are in love with or just another nice person?

You stay away, that's all you can do. You're still learning about the best and worst of you, and to let someone abuse you, well that's not love, and that's not you.

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